Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize