Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
