Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize