I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
foreskin is a definite game changer
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
