I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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