What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
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