been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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