Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
