in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
