Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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