You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
