I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
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The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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