i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Still dying that you shit outside
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
