He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
