dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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