Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
