Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
