we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
