The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
