why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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