all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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