My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
