i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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