Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
