I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
