You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
