There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
