I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
