How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
