So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
