I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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