At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You pole danced in your parka.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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