Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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