its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
