And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
