I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
