Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
