Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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