i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
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I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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