I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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