FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
