Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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