I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I look better un-naked...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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