Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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