can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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