my phone needs a breathalizer
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
