I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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