I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you still have your period?
I can text with my tongue
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
