im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
