we have pet lesbian snakes
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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