I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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