the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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