She is in my trunk
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
