i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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