hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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