i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
