We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
