i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
