The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
