Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
