well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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