This is not my ceiling
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
