idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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