Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize