Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
