I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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