I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize