so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
