Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
