You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
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