literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
