Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
