I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
