Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
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I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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