theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
