A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
