i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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