you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
