babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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